July 15, 2025

How to manage temper tantrums: Strategies for preschool parents

Dealing with your child screaming or throwing things around the house? Or maybe it’s an overturned bowl of noodles and a refusal to eat? Either way, take heart from this fact: you’re not alone.

Temper tantrums are a natural phenomenon for preschoolers. Whether at home or out in public, most children will have one of these meltdowns sooner or later.

And before you start beating yourself up over it, remember: tantrums are actually signs that your little one is just starting to learn self-control. So don’t take them as indicators that you’re doing things wrong!

That being said, there are some strategies for managing tantrums that can make situations easier to handle for both you and your little one.

What are temper tantrums?

Before we start talking about how to manage a child during a tantrum, we should address this first.

A temper tantrum is just a behavioural outburst expressing a negative emotion. Most children express tantrums through screaming, kicking, or crying. Some just lie on the floor and refuse to respond to conversation.

The most common time for tantrums is when a child is one to four years of age. During this time, your child is learning to become more independent, but still has limited communication skills

Tantrums can be of varying durations. Most last a few minutes, while some stretch for as long as 15 to 20 minutes.

Anything violent that goes past that duration could be cause to see a doctor. This is just to ensure that your child is not facing any unusual sensory or communication challenges.

Why do tantrums happen?

There are several reasons tantrums happen in little ones. Let’s break them down into separate sections for clarity:

1. Developmental causes 

At the age when tantrums happen, the pre-frontal cortex is still developing. Because this part of our brains is responsible for both impulse control and emotional regulation, it can’t kick in the way it would for an adult.

The result is that every big emotion can overwhelm these little people in our care at first. Eruptions are normal, as such, until a child turns six or so.

2. Communication challenges 

The key to understanding tantrums is to remember that they’re often due to an unfulfilled need or want. They’re generally tied to some kind of dissatisfaction.

Children can feel that dissatisfaction in full. Unfortunately, they usually lack a similarly developed ability to express that feeling in words. 

As a result, your child can easily resort to a tantrum in an effort to communicate that. When words fail, your child can turn to screams or actions. 

3. External triggers 

Because dissatisfaction or discontent of some kind can lead to a tantrum, it only makes sense that certain things can trigger it. 

A missed nap is a great example. Because children feel tired when they miss a regular nap, they may express that in a tantrum instead of verbally stating that they’re tired.

The same is true for issues like delayed meals, overstimulation, or denied access to their favourite toys or activities. Overwhelmed by negative stimuli or sensations, children may respond by having meltdowns to indicate their discontent. 

4. Emotional needs 

This ties back to communication challenges. Sometimes, children may feel like they’re not getting enough attention or not being acknowledged. 

But, being children, they may not know how to say that. As a result, a child can easily decide that shouting is a quicker way to get results than a polite request. 

Outbursts like this are generally ones relating to your child’s communication skills. Most children don’t set out to be wilfully difficult – they’re only trying to make themselves heard.

How to manage tantrums 

So, what can you do when your child gets the inevitable tantrums? Here are some techniques for tantrum management that we’ve proven time and again at My Little Campus:

1. Stay calm and ensure safety

You can set the tone for your child to eventually follow. And that means calming things down instead of escalating. 

Try taking a few deep breaths before you respond to the tantrum. This may help you centre yourself. After that, assess the situation to ensure no safety hazards are near your child.

If your child is prone to physical tantrums where he or she throws items, for example, you want to move fragile or dangerous objects like glasses or ceramic plates far from reach. 

2. Speak softly and validate your child’s feelings 

Show empathy and understanding. Remember that a lot of tantrums are just about children trying to express themselves in non-verbal ways. Acknowledging their feelings tells them you’ve received the message and there are actual words for what they feel.

State what they’re feeling as simply as possible. Say something like, “You’re angry because you can’t find your favourite toy.” Or, if you’re not sure of the cause yet, “I see you’re upset.”

Use the simplest language you can and without making sentences too long. Children already having a tantrum can’t deal with too much information at once. 

Speaking softly and maintaining a neutral facial expression can help too. It provides less stimulus that could be used to unintentionally reinforce the tantrum behaviour.

3. Don’t try to actually teach or reason mid-tantrum

It can be tempting to try and turn the tantrum into a lesson. Don’t do it! Children having a tantrum are unlikely to process any logical reasoning during it, so you’ll just get frustrated.

Instead, be as calm and patient as possible until your child calms down enough to end the tantrum. Only after the episode is over can you think of reasoning with your child.

4. Offer simple choices when your child is ready

Once your child has calmed down enough to process ideas, offer your help in regaining control. For example, give him or her a choice between two things.

For instance, you could ask your child if he or she wants a snack or a drink at this point. It’s a great way to support the idea that your child has agency over something.

Long-term strategies for tantrum reduction

Another way to better deal with tantrums is to outright avoid them. That is, you can do certain things to try and reduce the number of tantrums your child has. These are some options:

• Stick to predictable routines
  Children tend to thrive when they know what’s supposed to happen next. Predictable routines create a sense of safety, helping toddlers feel more in control of their day, in turn reducing the frequency and intensity of tantrums.

  At My Little Campus, for instance, we’ve found that using consistent schedules for meals and naps help children settle into the flow of the day more smoothly. When expectations are clear, children are less likely to feel overwhelmed or resist transitions – two common triggers for toddler temper tantrums.

• Give your child positive attention regularly
  Since many children have tantrums when feeling neglected, you can prevent that from happening by paying attention to your child at set times each day.
  
• Name and model emotions
  This lets your child learn what he or she is feeling, what it’s called, and how to express it. We do this in various ways at My Little Campus, including through role-play and storytelling!
  
• Find patterns
  Some tantrums may be triggered by the same thing each time. Keeping an eye open for patterns of stimulus-effect can help you identify those and avoid them.

Helping children and parents navigate big emotions

Tantrums can be difficult and tiring to manage. But they’re absolutely normal, as well as possible to deal with if you have enough consistency and patience. 

Of course, more violent or self-harming tantrums could need special help. The same is true for more prolonged or more regular ones, which may require consultation with a specialist.

But other than those, most parents can deal with tantrums themselves, though not necessarily alone. If your child goes to a childcare or preschool where the educators know how to deal with tantrums, for instance, you can get extensive support. 

If you’re interested in that, reach out to us. My Little Campus’s trained teachers pay attention to each child’s needs and regularly communicate with parents over management strategies for challenges. Talk to us today to learn more or arrange a school tour.